truvy
Monday, March 18, 2002
The Next Big Thing
I often feel that I am balancing between living from one event to the next and attempting to enjoy the present. What's the Next Big Thing?
Tonight I have a performance in Carnegie Hall, including being 1 of 6 featured dancers in one number, and 1 of 8 in another. Okay, most people would be out of their minds with nervousness or excitement or worry or something along those lines. What have I spent the past few days thinking about? My mother's 60th Birthday party next weekend and the audition I'll have the Wednesday following that.
Maybe for this particular instance it's just a sign that I'm comfortable with the dances and with the concert as a whole, and I know when I get there this afternoon for my 1 o'clock call/tech rehearsal I'll be excited, but you'd think that it would be more on my mind. Perhaps it's a defense mechanism so that I don't freak out. I carefully went through all my costumes and outfits for tonight: tuxedo w/ purple shirt & purple ruffles (groove on 70's!), 3-piece tan polyester suit with green & blue patterned disco shirt, dance shoes, Copacabana latin multi-colored sleeves, and then my entire outfit for Anne to wear to the after-party. Marc (the Butch of the Chorus to my Queen) and I are going as Captain & Tenille, and I picked up my hair yesterday - very Toni Tenille, but in Anne's red color. The dress is sparkly & has a big sailor collar, which I thought would go well with The Captain. Anyway, I've completed all those lists & set things out & gathered all my items together, so I think I'm set. But beyond that, I've not been thinking about it.
In another way I really seem to live from One Big Thing to the Next Big Thing: money.
I have never lived within a budget. Whether it's a yearly bonus, my tax return, refinancing the house (which this time was actually money out of my pocket, but I did it because it will save lots of money in the long run), or some other unusual money event, I seem to spend from one event to the next outside my budget - well, that is if you can call balancing your checkbook & seeing the balance flee with bill paying every other week a budget (most people would not, I agree). I need to get a handle on this I suppose. But there's always the Next Big Thing to do or plan for or pay for, like Mama's bday party next week. But how can I not do things like that? This is a monumental birthday, and she Deserves a fabulous time, so I'm just going to give it to her. I may not be able to pay for it all right now, but hell, that's what a credit card is for, right?
Ah, I'm conflicted over so many things, money is just one of them. Some weeks I feel rather frugal & restrained, others I certainly don't. Well, anyway, I saw my accountant last night and he showed me what my refunds will be! But because of my reduced salary bonus (thanks for that 50% cut!), instead of something new or purchasing Stuff, I'll be paying for things that were done on the house and said Bday party with that refund. And I'll still be in more debt. Oh well, things are not desperate, they just don't feel in control, and I know I have control issues, so missy, I guess I'll just have to deal with it One Day At A Time.
Thus continues my delicate balance between living in the present and planning for the future.
<
