truvy
Thursday, February 28, 2002
What's up Doc?
I had my first therapy session today.
Oh sure, I've been to a shrink a few times - once in college because I was having major angst about being gay, although all I told him was that I was a bit depressed and feeling guilty because here I was making a new life for myself in college when my dad had just died a few months before...(okay, maybe there was some truth to what I told him, but I clammed up about the queer part for sure, especially since I had just found the cruisy bathroom on campus and was on the brink of discovering what a glory hole is for); and then there were the couples therapy sessions that my ex. and I went to, but that was truly because I was a coward & couldn't bring myself to break up with him all by myself. So, I drug him through what turned out to be a tortuous process. Hmm. I didn't start out to write about that, but maybe things would have been different if our relationship had been more honest. We were both sleeping around, but not communicating with each other. He was fucking everything within reach, and then I met Robert, and fell in love with him. Would it have been easier in a polyamorous relationship? Could it have somehow worked out differently? I'll never know, and now there's no need to dwell on it, but it's an interesting thought. He was just blogging about it, and I'm very glad to hear that there are good, stable, working relationships that function and thrive outside the hetero-monogamous model we're all brought up to idealize. RJ and I are working on it, and I think our bond is strong enough to explore this topic. I'll get back to you on that, or not.
Anyway, therapy today. I have no idea what I want to get out of it. I have no idea what I might get out of it. I'm a bit resistant to the idea & practice. As I discussed this morning, it seems a bit self-indulgent to be in therapy. But I suppose I've nothing against self-indulgence, as any of you who know me will happily attest. Let me process this a bit. I plan to see the therapist - I'm thinking once a week. Let's see how it goes.
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